Consent
Consent is centered on bodily autonomy. Only you are in control of your body and can give consent or retract it at any moment, for any reason. Consent is agreeing to or giving permission for something to happen. Consent should be communicated and is clear and ongoing. Communicating about boundaries is crucial and allows for consent to be established and discussed.
Consent must be clear, specific, voluntary, ongoing and coherent. (Pennsylvania Coalition to Advance Respect)
If you have had encounters that you did not consent to, please read more about sexual assault.
Consent is Clear
When consent is clear there is no doubting or guessing. We are seeking a confirmation, it provides space for the other person or people to be able to communicate their boundaries, desires and/or comfort level. It can sound like:
“Is this ok?”
“Can we ____?”
Consent is Specific
When consent is specific, it allows for there to be no confusion or assumption as to what others’ boundaries or desires are. It can sound like:
“Can we kiss"?”
“Do you want a hug?”
“Can I take your shirt off?”
Consent is Voluntary
When consent is voluntary, the person or people give it freely, without fear, intimidation, abuse, or power-dynamics at play. We are seeking an enthusiastic consent. It can sound like:
“You can say no”
“We can stop at any time”
“We don’t have to do anything you are uncomfortable with”
Consent is Ongoing
When consent is ongoing, we ensure that the person or people are consenting to everything. We acknowledge that they have the right to change their mind for any reason and we ensure that we are checking for that and respecting it. It can sound like:
“Do you want to keep going?”
“We have done this before but do you want to do it now?”
“Can I take your pants off now?”
Consent is Coherent
When consent is coherent, we are able to understand the other person or people and they are able to understand us. They are able to fully engage and are aware of what we are asking. It can sound like:
“Are you sober?”
“We can stop”
Consent is NOT
Knowing and recognizing what consent is NOT is also important. It allows us to be able to seek true consent and ensures we are respecting our partner(s) boundaries. These may be commonly accepted in society which is why understanding consent is a cultural shift.
Physiological responses alone do NOT equal consent. If someone experiences physical arousal or pleasure, it does not mean they consent. Their body is responding to a stimuli. For example, people can cry when cutting an onion but it does not mean they are sad or wanted to cry.
If someone is intoxicated or under the influence of other drugs or substances, they CANNOT consent. We want it to be coherent.
If someone has engaged in sexual activity in the past, it does NOT equal consent to right now. We should not assume they still consent to something just because it happened previously.
If someone consents to one activity, it does NOT equal consent for any other activity. Ex. consent for kissing does not mean consent for other activities.
The absence of a “no” does NOT equal consent. It is very common for people not to say a verbal “no”. For example, “Ummmm”, pulling away, not engaging or freezing, failing to respond, tensing up, or becoming silent are examples where consent is NOT given.
Remember, Consent is like FRIES
F - Freely Given
R - Reversible
I - Informed
E - Enthusiastic
S - Specific
Video by Planned Parenthood