A Conversation Around Teen Dating Violence
Teen dating violence (TDV) is especially harmful, particularly because many teens who experience it do not identify as victims/survivors, do not know they have autonomous legal rights as victims/survivors, and do not know where to turn to for help. Teens are also at an impressionable age, their minds are still developing, and in these formative years the abuses they may encounter are likely to instill long term and lasting effects that will shape the way they see themselves and how they get involved in, interact in, and maintain future relationships. Because of this, it is very important for teens to learn, as early and from as many adult sources as possible, what a healthy relationship is, how to model it, and where to get help if they are being abused by someone they have developed a relationship with.
NVRDC is currently the only organization in DC that specializes in advocacy and legal services for young people, ages 13 to 24, affected by dating violence, domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking—especially those victims under age 18.
To get a better insight into how teens experience dating violence, some of the complexities surrounding the issue, and how to help someone you know who might be experiencing TDV, we reached out to Megan Challender and Adeline Murphy, our Managing Attorney for Youth Services and our Advocate for the Support & Legal Advocacy for Youth program. Here’s what they had to say:
Adeline Murphy
What is one of the greatest barriers you see to teens getting help for TDV? Are there ways to reduce this barrier?
One of the greatest barriers that I see in helping teen survivors is building enough trust for them to reach out for help. On an individual level these barriers can be reduced by being transparent and consistent in our work with them. On a broader level having confidential advocates at NVRDC is so important for building trust with youth survivors, because many of the professionals that youth interact with are mandated reporters, meaning they are required by law to report an incident to authorities. Some youth are hesitant to reach out for help because of negative experiences in the past with systems that they thought would help them. We need system reform to reduce victim blaming, racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism.
How has technology such as smartphones and social media complicated the issue of TDV?
Social media and smartphones have given abusers another means of stalking, harassing or controlling survivors of dating violence. Technology has also made it easier to non-consensually share sexual photos or videos, which is a form of sexual abuse. The positive side of this is that social media has increased awareness of dating violence and I find that many teens are very educated on topics like love bombing and gas lighting.
What role does survivor-defined justice play in NVRDC's approach to working with someone experiencing TDV even though they are considered under age? What are some difficulties that arise in this area when working with teens?
Survivor-defined justice plays just as important of a role in my work with teens survivors as it does with adult survivors. Teens may be more likely to view me as their Advocate, as an authority figure, so it is especially important that I explain to them that my role is to advocate for what THEY want. Sometimes there are special considerations, if the teen survivor chooses to have their parent(s) involved in the case. In these situations we check-in with the survivor and make sure 1) they want the parent(s) to be involved 2) they want me to coordinate with their parent(s) for whatever service I am providing. For example, if I am assisting a survivor with finding a therapist and they ask me to reach out to their parent(s) for insurance information, I won't answer other questions the parent(s) might ask me unless I have explicitly gotten the survivor's consent to share that information. This ensures that the survivor is in control of the process. It is also important to educate teen survivors on mandatory reporters, so they do not accidentally initiate a reporting process that they don't want to engage in.
What are ways that members of the community, particularly those who work closely with teens, can create an environment to support teens experiencing or recovering from TDV?
Creating an environment for teens that is supportive rather than punitive is helpful to all teens, including survivors of dating violence. If you notice a teen acting out, withdrawing, missing class, or not turning in work, these may be signs that the teen is experiencing abuse or another form of trauma. Approaching the teen from a place of compassion and concern, rather than immediately punishing them for acting out is so important. Even if they do not choose to open up then, knowing that you are a compassionate resource will make them more likely to reach out for help in the future. Additionally, providing resources such as hotlines and information about organizations like NVRDC can help teen survivors know where to turn if they do need help.
What is a piece of advice you'd give to any teen to safeguard or recognize the early warning signs of TDV?
Acting out or withdrawing from school or other activities they used to engage in are common early warning signs. Isolation from friends and family is another very common warning sign. Regularly checking in on friends and family and being a supportive and non-judgmental listener will let them know you are a safe resource to turn to.
Megan Challender
Why is education around TDV so important? Is it common for teens to not be aware they are experiencing TDV?
In addition to providing direct legal and advocacy services, NVRDC provides education to youth on healthy and unhealthy relationships, consent, and their legal rights. Education surrounding teen dating violence is critical because youth are unlikely to self-identify as a victim or to understand their legal rights. The dating behaviors shown in media and online often are actually quite unhealthy: depicting obsession, unexpected and unwanted contact, not respecting when a relationship ends, etc. Teens and young adults may understand that violent behavior is wrong, but not realize when texting, sexting, or coercive control crosses into abusive behavior. NVRDC goes into schools, youth community groups, and trains adults working with youth to spot the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship and make sure they understand how to get help.
What are some ways youth services work to address teen dating violence year round?
Our youth services work addresses teen dating violence by providing both prevention and intervention services. In addition to our legal and advocacy services, we offer a text line and a monthly legal clinic where any teen can reach out to ask questions about their relationships and their rights. We can connect them with resources and information to understand their options. Perhaps they need supportive measures at school to stay safe from their abuser or assistance obtaining a Civil Protection Order (CPO) or resources so that they can move and enroll in the address confidentiality program. In Youth Services, we have a dedicated team who will assist the survivor in understanding their options and achieving their goals.
What is a piece of advice you'd give to any teen to safeguard or recognize the early warning signs of TDV?
Know that “You deserve a healthy relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect.”
For more information about NVRDC’s Youth Services visit nvrdc.org/support-legal-advocacy-for-youth.